Thursday, December 23, 2010

Humbug = gibberish.

Really, it does. Go here (clicky-link!). I'm not lying, I promise.

So remember how, once upon a time, I thought of a blog topic before 10pm the day I'd planned to post? Maybe even wrote it ahead of time?



Anyway. It's Christmas soon. This does not make me particularly happy. Now you're thinking one of a couple things:
1. "Whaaaaaaatt??? How can you not like Christmas? How does it not make you happy? It's the best time of year!!"
2. "Well duh. You're Rachel. You're all dark and emo and if you liked the shiny colored lights that would throw the world off balance."
3. "Wait, I thought all Christians loved Christmas? Heck, even non-Christians love Christmas; I mean, people get presents! You're crazy."
4. Something else that I don't feel like coming up with.

See the deal is, I like Christmas. That whole Jesus-being-born-in-order-to-die-and-save-us-all-from-our-wickedness thing is REALLY FREAKING COOL and I love that. [I'm also not going to reiterate the story for you, since you've probably heard it about 8,000,000,000 times and will be again tomorrow in church. If you'd like to read it (which you should), go hereish, and hereish, and keep going. (Clicky-links!)] So yes, I like Christmas. What I don't like is all the crap that comes with it here and now. Seriously. What is up with all the lights? It's essentially a contest between neighbors to see who can have more colors on their house. If there's a story behind the tree other than to terrify firefighters at the horrible fire hazard in everyone's homes, I don't know it. The carols? Painful. The cookies? Love 'em, but after you've baked 6 dozen different kinds it starts to get a bit tedious. Finding the right gift for absolutely every person you've ever met is so difficult that I've actually given up. Immediate family and one friend- that's it. No one else gets gifts from me (a few people get cards, but that's only if I was bored at WalMart and found a REALLY REALLY good one). Even trying to sing "special music" at the Christmas Eve service at church goes sour because someone always has to get angry for no good reason.

It's all fake. Even the people who profess to love Christmas because it's Jesus' birthday tend to be just putting on a show. The gifts have become the most important thing. Everyone wants to know what they got, what everyone else got, what everyone else got for everyone else, if their gift was good enough, oh-goodness-gracious-theirs-was-more-expensive-now-I-have-to-I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT. The whole thing is blown waaaaayy out of control. I don't know how it is with other families, but finding a time where we can all get together with our other relatives is just awful. They're busy this day, they can't come up then, their other family is doing this, we've got something that day... then when we finally pick a day, no one seems to like the same food. ???????? Ham, mashed potatoes, some sort of vegetables, rolls. The end. Is it that hard?

Plus, don't forget that, it's the holidays, therefore you're supposed to be happy. ALL THE TIME. Baaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The simple fact that I'm supposed to be happy gives me the insatiable desire to be cranky, sarcastic, and cynical to every person I meet (yes, I know this is bad; no, I don't always act this way; yes, this time of year I'm usually faking being festive, but not always, I admit it).

So here's me ranting about how much I HATE this stuff. I really, really do. So don't try to make me feel better. Don't try to force your horrible "classic" Christmas movies upon my poor eyes any longer. You don't have to turn down your chipper tunes about snowflakes and holding hands by the fire, but please don't be offended when I turn up my Project 86 or Alice Nine. You're allowed to like all the sparkly cliché stuff, but understand that some people don't. Try to remember that there IS a point to Christmas (that Jesus guy... remember him?). Eat a cookie or two, but don't go overboard. Keep your head. Please, for crazies like me.

Personally, I don't understand how people can actually like those horrible songs about drinking eggnog with your 'special someone.' I mean, really? I'm convinced that some married person somewhere wrote them giggling evilly and thinking about the torture he or she could inflict upon us single people. Even the cookies don't help all that much... (bring on the Since October)

Is there a point to this blog? Yes. Is it inspirational (or whatever)? Eehhhhhh... that's up to you. Inspiring you to be an optimistic cynic like me? That'd be cool. If not... meh. Whatever. I'm not really expecting to change many people's minds about putting too many ornaments on their trees anyway (I do draw a line at the plastic santas and inflatable snowmen though... I WILL ridicule you endlessly if I find out you have one, and I will NOT feel bad about it).

So happy Christmas. I hope it's mostly painless. See you next year.

Just for the record (and completely off-topic), I lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove this. (Clicky-link!) If you don't get it... I feel sad for you.

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